


The Last Time

by tellmesomethinginteresting



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family, First War with Voldemort, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), One Shot Collection, POV Third Person, Siblings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellmesomethinginteresting/pseuds/tellmesomethinginteresting
Summary: Marauders-Era characters talking to each other for the last time.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Petunia Evans Dursley & Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	1. If Someone Doesn't Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Regulus

Regulus was seventeen when he last spoke to his brother. It was a warm summer’s day in June. One of the last Sirius would spend at Hogwarts and maybe that was why Regulus chose to follow him on that day of all days.

He had seen Sirius walking past him towards one of the entrances leading onto the school grounds. Not a peculiar occurrence onto itself except for the fact that Sirius was by himself. Regulus never saw his older brother alone.

It was always him and Potter or him and Lupin or maybe even him and Pettigrew. And if it wasn’t one of his precious Marauders accompanying him, it was whatever girl or boy he had chosen as his companion that week.

All of them always clearly thought that they would be the one chosen to stay. That they would be the one to keep Sirius from doing what all shooting starts eventually did.

Disappear.

Regulus was all too familiar with being left by Sirius Black. Perhaps that was why he took a sick kind of pleasure in watching Sirius drop one companion after another. And it was definitely the reason why he hated Potter and Lupin and the lot of them. Because they didn’t know what it was like to lose Sirius Black.

Maybe that was why Regulus chose to follow him on that day of all days as he kept on making his way across school grounds. Regulus was always the perfect amount of distance behind him, not close enough to be noticed, not far enough to lose sight of Sirius.

Until he reached the forbidden forest. Only a few steps past the tree line and Regulus lost all sense of direction. It wasn’t his first time here. Pretty much none of the older Slytherins obeyed the rule that forbade them from entering. But it was the first time he had come by himself unable to rely on someone else for directions.

Suddenly someone tackled him to the ground. Regulus took a startled gasp and tried to reach for his wand which was safely tucked away in his trouser's pocket. Unable to reach it he tried to crawl out from underneath his attacker instead until he heard resounding laughter coming from his opponent.

He had been so caught up in getting himself out that he had failed to notice that Sirius had been the one to ambush him.

“You were always a little too slow for me,” Sirius laughed and jumped to his feet. “I thought maybe you improved but you’re just as sluggish as ever.”

“At least, I don’t have to hide behind trees to one-up my opponents,” Regulus said and sat up.

Sirius didn’t offer him a hand instead opting to dust off his trousers.

“Come now, Reg,” Sirius said, “you didn’t use to be such a sore loser. What’s a healthy bit of rowing between brothers?”

Regulus scoffed when he heard Sirius use the word brothers. They hadn’t been brothers for a long time. Sirius had replaced him. He had replaced him the first time he had laid eyes on James Potter and he hadn’t stopped twice to think about it.

Sirius had probably noticed the tension building between them, his facial expression switching from teasing to something colder, more unreadable. He did however reach out to help Regulus get up.

Regulus immediate instinct was to grab Sirius’ hand and to hold on. But then he thought better of it. Who was Sirius to extend an olive branch now? Regulus chose to pull himself up on a nearby tree instead. He saw something resembling hurt in Sirius’ eyes but it was only there for a moment until Sirius cocky smile returned.

“Following other people without their permission is considered distasteful at best. But some people may even call it illegal,” Sirius said. “You’re lucky I didn’t do worse to you.”

“I’ll just let you believe that you could have,” Regulus responded.

Sirius chuckled at that and Regulus did everything in his power to keep a pleased smile from forming on his lips.

“In all seriousness, Reg, you shouldn’t be here. It’s dangerous.”

Regulus didn’t know whether he should feel happy because he could hear something resembling worry hiding in Sirius words or whether he should be offended because his ability to protect himself was being questioned.

“You’re here,” Regulus said.

Sirius gave him a contemplative look. Then a shadow slid across his face.

“Did mother send you to spy on me?" He asked after a while "Is that why you're here?”

“You know she wouldn’t. She is happy to be done with you.”

Sirius’ eyes narrowed.

Regulus was surprised that that dig had gotten any sort of reaction from Sirius. He didn’t care about what their mother thought, did he?

“Was it your beloved Dark Lord then?” Sirius asked. “Am I important enough to warrant _His_ interest?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“What is it then, Reg? Are you doing this just to spite me? You’re just spying on me for the mere purpose of getting on my nerves?”

Sirius’ voice rose at the end of his statement. Regulus felt eleven years old again when Sirius had busted him for stealing one of his stuffed animals. He had put it on his pillow to watch over him in his sleep while Sirius was away at Hogwarts.

Sirius had been mad then, too. But he hadn’t been after Regulus had told him that he hadn’t been able to sleep knowing Sirius wasn’t in the room next to him. And maybe that was why he said what he said next on that day of all days.

“You never said goodbye.”

Sirius stared at him, dumbfounded.

“You just left. You didn’t say anything. I didn’t know when you would come back. That same night? The day after? Next summer break? You were just gone.” Regulus’ voice cracked. “I waited. Because if someone doesn’t say goodbye, they ought to come back soon. But you didn’t.”

 _You just left me there,_ Regulus thought, _in that miserable excuse of a home._

“You might not owe me anything else but you owe me a goodbye.”

Sirius didn’t say anything at first. There was a myriad of emotions displayed on his face. Anger, confusion, sadness, regret. Then he started slowly walking towards Regulus.

Every instinct in him screamed to run or to get in fighting stance. Sirius was about to attack. There could be no other explanation. But Regulus felt unable to move.

Suddenly, Sirius' arms were wrapped around him and he was pulled into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered, but then he was gone all the same.


	2. Both of Their Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Petunia

The whole world was covered in white when Petunia Evans Dursley saw her sister for the last time. Winter had come early and buried the entire village of Little Whinging underneath three feet of snow.

Petunia had always loved winter. Maybe because of the cold. It kept other people away. They huddled up in the warmth of their homes waiting for spring to come. For the sun to shine on their faces again. Petunia didn’t get cold. Not often anyway. And the sun only burned her paper-white skin.

Petunia had always loved winter. Maybe because of the quiet that the snow brought. In summer there was so much noise that made it impossible to even imagine that there were places in the world completely devoid of any sounds. In winter, snow wrapped everything in a white blanket of silence.

Petunia had always loved winter. Maybe because everything was so beautiful covered in snow, its pristine white making it impossible for colors to clash, for things to move too fast. It was like the entire world went to sleep from the day the first snowflake fell until the last bit of ice melted. For months the chaos of the world was hidden away underneath a white blanket of tranquility.

The whole world was covered in white when Petunia Evans Dursley was standing in the kitchen baking and the door rang. She rolled her eyes in annoyance and wiped off her hands on her apron. Her husband wasn’t due back for hours and she wasn’t expecting anyone. Begrudgingly she made her way to the door completely unaware of who was waiting on the other side.

“Hey, Tuney,” Lily said, a nervous smile visible on her lips.

Her hair is too bright. That was Petunia’s first thought when she saw her sister standing in the doorway after years of not speaking to her. It was a fiery splash of color in Petunia’s colorless world. It didn’t belong here. It belonged in summer. Along with all the other colors. Along with the chaos. But it didn’t belong here in Little Whinging on this colorless winter’s day.

“What do you want?” Petunia asked bluntly.

“Tuney, can we talk?” Lily asked. “Maybe we can have some tea? Just sit down for a little bit? I promise you it’s important. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”

Years later, Petunia still didn’t know why she did what she did next. Maybe because she could sense the tension in her sister’s voice. Maybe because she could see a little bit of fear in her eyes. And maybe she did what she did because they were family. And they would always be family.

“Alright,” Petunia agreed, “we can take a walk.”

Petunia was going to talk to her sisters but she wouldn’t invite her in. Because Lily’s hair was too red and her eyes were too green. Because she didn’t belong here in Petunia’s colorless world.

Neither of them spoke while they made their way through Little Whinging. They just silently walked, the snow crunching beneath their feet the only sound audible. They continued on like that until they reached the edge of the village and Lily came to a halt next to a mighty oak tree.

“It’s kind of like the one we used to play under back home, isn’t it?” Lily asked, smiling.

Her smile is too bright, Petunia thought. It didn’t belong here. It might have matched Petunia’s snow-covered world in terms of color but not in terms of warmth.

“Why did you come here?” Petunia asked. Her voice was stern, her question straightforward. She wanted this to be over. She wanted to be left alone in her world.

“Tuney- “

“Don’t call me that,” Petunia interrupted her, “no one calls me that anymore.”

Lily took a step back from Petunia, obvious hurt visible on her face, but didn’t say anything in response. Petunia felt a sick sense of pride when she saw her mighty sister back away from her. Her divinely gifted sister had been hurt by something she had done.

“There’s something going on.” Lily’s voice was resolved and almost devoid of any emotion when she spoke again. But there was a hidden threat emanating from her words. “It’s bigger than you can imagine. There’s no point in trying to explain it- “

“Why?” Petunia asked harshly. “Because a stupid non-wizard like me wouldn’t understand it anyway?”

Lily paused to give her a contemplative look. Petunia thought she could see a small spark of curiosity in her sister’s eyes.

“You’ve never asked before. I always thought you didn’t want to know,” Lily said matter-of-factly but there was a question hidden somewhere in her statement.

“I don’t,” Petunia said, cursing herself for her needless outburst of emotion.

But seeing Lily took her back, to when Lily had gotten on that god forbidden red train which took her hundreds of miles away to a place for people like her, for special people. A place where Petunia couldn’t follow, no matter how hard she tried. Because it was part of a world in which Petunia didn’t belong.

Petunia could feel a tear run down her face. She forcefully wiped it away and looked down. She couldn’t bear to see her sister watching her while she cried.

“There’s a war going on,” Lily said.

“A war,” Petunia repeated, unable to hide her surprise. But it wasn’t because of what Lily had said. A war in a world an entire universe away didn't concern her. What surprised her was that Lily had shared something about her world at all.

They had never spoken about Lily’s life away from home, about what she learned in school, about her friends, about what she was. When the topic had arisen during family dinner Lily had always deflected. And even though there was nothing Mr. and Mrs. Evans were prouder of than their witch daughter even they caught on eventually. On the rare occasion where they would talk, they would talk about Mr. Evans' job or family friends.

In her kinder moments, Petunia had thought it to be a gesture of compassion. Her sister didn’t want her to feel left out, to feel lesser than.

Other times, she viewed things more clearly. Not talking about what Lily was, had been worse than talking about it. Because everyone had known that Lily was things that Petunia wasn't, things that Petunia could never be. Petunia had always known Lily was special. She had known even before that dreadful Snape boy came into their lives. She had known before words like witch and magic had made their way into their world.

She had known it before their parents had that was for sure. But she hadn't known it before Lily had. No, Lily was born knowing she was destined for greatness. Lily had known. She had known it whether they talked about it or not.

But by not telling other people of her greatness she made herself seem even more saintly and selfless and special. Because she was trying to protect her poor, average sister's feelings. That in turn had made their parents love her even more.

Petunia had always known that Lily had loved being their favorite, their precious little girl. Their parents hadn't and maybe even Lily herself hadn't. Or maybe she had just been too afraid of tarnishing her reputation to admit it.

“It doesn’t look like my side is going to win,” Lily explained further, “and that’s really bad because they hate people like us.”

“What do you mean?” Petunia asked coldly. “People like us?”

Lily gave her a pained smile and then Petunia understood what she was saying.

“The two of us are nothing alike,” she protested.

“We’re sisters,” Lily whispered.

Petunia didn’t say anything. She just shrugged. Being sisters and being alike weren’t the same thing. At least in her experience, they weren’t.

“Our parents were the same,” Lily said, “They were muggles and that’s why they hate us. Muggles and muggleborns, it’s all the same to them. They want to rules us because we are lesser than.”

Petunia flinched when Lily used those words. Muggles. Muggleborns. They were words that didn’t belong here. They didn’t belong in her carefully crafted world.

“You’re going to have a nephew soon,” Lily said.

A nephew, Petunia thought. Her hand instinctively shot to her own pregnant belly. It was too early for anyone to be able to tell just by looking at her. But she could tell by the way Lily looked at her that she had put two and two together.

“That’s why I have to go away. I have to hide. Because the other side… they want to hurt him.” Lily sounded like it was almost painful for her to form the words. “I know, that isn’t going to change anything between me and you. But this is the last time that I’m going to be able to see you. That’s why I came.”

“The last time before you go into hiding?” Petunia asked carefully.

Lily didn’t answer at first. Petunia’s question hanging between, growing and growing, turning into something tangible until it felt like it was making its way back down Petunia's throat strangling her.

After a while, a forced smile appeared on Lily's face and she said: “Yeah, the last time before I go into hiding.”

But Petunia could see the tears glistening in Lily’s eyes.

And maybe, just maybe those tears belonged in both of their worlds.


	3. You're not a Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Remus

Lily was woken up by a careful knock on her bedroom door. She slowly sat up and tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. The entire room was dark only lit by the warm light shining through the open door, framing James tall silhouette.

“Lily?” She heard him say.

“What time is it?” She asked.

“Remus is here,” James said ignoring her question.

“You know that I don’t want to see him.” She laid back down and turned her back to the door.

James came over and sat down next to her. He softly caressed her hair. “You’re going to regret it if you don’t see him off.”

“You know why he’s doing this,” she said accusingly.

“Maybe,” James said softly, “but in the end, does it really matter?”

Lily felt, like there was acid in her stomach, like she was going to throw up. “Tell him to go to hell,” she whispered.

“We both know you don’t mean that.”

“You don’t know what I mean and what I don’t mean,” she said sourly. “Besides, if he wants to talk to me so badly, why didn’t he come to me himself.”

“He wouldn’t spring this on you like that.”

She let out a bitter laugh. No, he wouldn’t. Remus was too polite, too proper to do anything out of the blue.

But she knew his politeness for what it actually was: fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. And now his fear of being loved by someone mixed with his desperate need to be needed had led him to do this.

“I can’t see him,” she said. Tears were starting to form in her eyes.

“Lily,” James pleaded, “We need each other. Now more than ever. And Marlene- “

“Don’t you dare bring her into this,” she spat. She wrapped her arms around herself and broke into sobs. Her entire body was shaking

James pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her head in his chest and for a while she just cried.

“I know that’s why you don’t want to talk to him,” James said, after she had calmed down a little. “You think that it is going to be easier to lose him if you hate him. But it’s not going to be, Lily.”

“But if you don’t say goodbye, you’re going to hate yourself for it.”

Lily couldn’t help but smile. It was just such a James thing to say. He loved generously, unafraid of the consequences. She couldn’t do that. Not after losing Petunia and Severus and now Marlene.

But still, Remus was here now, and he was going to go risk his life no matter what she did.

“Alright,” she said, “I’ll be down in a minute.

James gave her a kiss on the forehead and left.

Lily got up slowly. She was still so shaken up that she struggled to get a hold of her limbs. She walked to the bathroom and washed her face. When she looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes were rimmed red. She let out a shuddering sigh and made her way downstairs.

When she got to the living room, James and Remus were sitting on the couch playing peek-a-boo with Harry. For a small eternity, she just stood there and watched them, desperate for this moment to last forever, for the clocks to stop ticking, for things to stop changing.

But as soon as James spotted her standing there, the spell was broken. He picked up Harry and said: “Time for bed, little man.”

When James walked past her, he gave her a reassuring nod. Lily barely registered it. All she could do was look at Remus sitting on the couch giving her a tentative smile.

Tears started to form in her eyes again. “Don’t go,” she whispered.

He got up and walked towards her.

“Please don’t go,” she said louder this time.

“I have to.”

She could see her own pain in his eyes.

“I can’t lose you.” Her words were barely audible, forming them felt physically painful. Just thinking about losing another friend felt physically painful.

“You won’t lose me,” Remus said, “it’s just a mission, I—"

“Don’t say that,” she interrupted him, “nothing is ‘just’ anything anymore. The McKinnons—”

She paused. She couldn’t bring herself to say Marlene’s name.

“The McKinnons,” she repeated, “were ‘just’ home. And they died. They all died.”

She wrapped her arms around herself and sobbed.

“I can’t go through that again, Remus. I’ve already given too much. I can’t give you, too. They can send someone else. Anyone else.”

She knew she was being selfish. But she didn’t care. The pain had been too much to bear when Marlene had passed. This couldn’t happen to her again. She wouldn’t let it.

“It has to be me,” Remus said, “the only other werewolf in the Order is Malcolm, and he has a wife and kids. He can’t leave them. But me…” He sighed. “I don’t have that.”

“You have a family,” she said, “James and Harry and me, we need you. You belong with us.”

The smile on Remus’ face was both happy and sad at the same time. “I know,” he said, “it’s just not the same thing, Lily. And you know it.”

“What about Sirius?”

Lily knew as soon as the words had left her lips that she had gone too far. But she was grasping at straws now.

Remus’ smile froze.

“That’s not fair,” he said coldly.

Lily’s anger flared back up.

“Why? I know how you feel about him. And I know you’re too afraid to tell him but—"

“But what?” Remus snapped. “He could never love me. No one ever could. I am a monster, Lily. I am pathetic and disgusting, and I ruin the lives of the people around me. How could I ever ask someone to love me?”

Lily felt like he had struck her across the face.

"You know that’s not true," she whispered, "I love you and James loves you and Harry and Peter and your parents love you. So many people love you, Remus. So how can you do this to them, to us, to me?"

Remus’ eyes were glazed over when he started speaking like he wasn’t really looking at her, like he was thinking about someone else.

“My entire life, I have wanted to be part of something, to have friends, to be loved. But the more people there were in my life, the more people I had to hide from. But letting more people in, meant letting more people suffer with me.”

He took a step towards her. “I know you think about me during every full moon. I know James does, too. And my parents have done so since I was a little boy.”

His eyes were glazed over and a tear ran down his cheek. “I know that every full moon you worry, and you’re afraid, because I might not be there the next day or I could have hurt someone or maybe even done worse.”

“I know that you do it because you love me,” he said and smiled, “but that doesn’t change who I am. And hurting the people who love you…”

His words got quieter and quieter towards the end until Lily could barely understand them.

“It tears you apart.”

“So, please,” he begged, “just let me use it for a good purpose.”

Lily took a deep, shaky breath “Okay,” she whispered and pulled him into a tight hug. “But you’re not a monster, Remus Lupin. Don't forget that, please don't ever forget that.”

“I know,” he whispered.

But she knew he didn’t mean it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to mostly base this on J. K. Rowling's thoughts on Remus which she has published on the Wizarding World website. I think, Remus actually is a super interesting character, because he's so torn between desperately wanting to be loved and being afraid to be loved due to his lycanthropy.


End file.
